4 LESSONS I LEARNED ABOUT PURSUING GOALS

I recently reconnected with a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a while. In our conversation, he asked me, “where do you see yourself in 5 years?”. "This one should be easy’', I though, because I had written out my 10-year plan about 2 years ago…impressive, right? But it wasn’t until he shared where he saw himself in 5 years that I realized my 10-year plan was actually filled with lots of dreams. Which is not a bad thing, but there needs to be a realistic element to what we’re targeting, because this helps with establishing practical ways to achieve our goals.

“In 5 years’ time, I’ll be happily married, 1 kid, have started my PhD, tripled my net worth, and occupying a senior position within the organization I work for”, he said. I don’t know if it’s just the way he phrased it, but this sounds pretty achievable. Don’t get me wrong, it will involve a lot of hard work, first of all to maintain his current level of consistency, and then to grow his capacity as he takes on more leading up to those 5 years. Because if you don’t know this by now, promotion and expansion come with responsibility. Or as my Pastor would say it, “the reward for hard is more hard work”. But what makes his goals achievable isn’t that they're easy, but rather that if he remains persistent and commits to putting in the work, it is possible.

This conversation had me reflecting about the past year and what I have learned about myself in light of achieving my dreams and goals. It also made me realize that dreaming is the easy part, because between social media and conversations with people, its very easy to find inspiration to dream. But it takes a bit more than just inspiration and ideas to make dreams come true. So here’s what I learned:

1. PRIORITIES: YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT ALL

There’s nothing wrong if your list of goals consists of only 3 items. Okay, I may need to say this louder for the overachievers at the back! If anything, you may find that when pursued actively, your top 3 goals make room for the achievement of other goals too. But the idea here is to maintain focus - kind of like the way your mom would tell you to finish what’s on your plate first before you could have seconds. Sometimes you want EVERYTHING on the menu because it looks so good, but deep down you know you ain’t that hungry. And what happens is you dabble in a bit of this, a bit of that, and you end up having lots of leftovers which gets thrown away.

Sometimes you want everything on the menu because it looks so good, but deep down you know you ain't that hungry

It is important to be very honest with yourself about your personal capacity. If only you would focus on finishing what’s on your plate, you would probably be more effective. And what’s already on your plate usually represents your most fundamental goals. You may even find that the extra goals you take on tend to be stuff that just decorate an already completed project – the way an interior designer would come and put finishing touches to your building. And trust me, you will be tempted to take on more just because it looks good. But remember this: if you aren’t hungry, don’t take on more.

2. PERSISTENCE: YOU CANNOT BE DRIVEN BY INSPIRATION ALONE

I love new projects and ideas! Although I’m a detailed oriented person, you’d be surprised at how excitement will have me believe all things are possible – even when I’m under-equipped and the plan hasn’t been fully thought out! Birthday plans, a new concert I could be involved in, that career opportunity…they all sound amazing until they are too many, and I start feeling overwhelmed, all while stuff needs to get done. Excitement is my double-edged sword: on the one hand, it helps me take on new projects and keep me motivated to pursue my goals, but on the other hand, it can act as a distraction from my core goals by making me believe I have capacity for more when I don’t. I now realize that new projects only provide that short-lived sense of novelty I once felt about my existing ‘older’ goals. It also had me believing that I was being effective and productive, when in truth I was only filling my plate with more items I had no room for.

New projects only provide that short-lived sense of novelty I once felt about my existing ‘older’ goals

If excitement is also your double-edged sword, here’s the truth about your goals: You actually have to do those boring things too. You have to move past inspiration into a space of willingness. Willingness to see something to completion. To get up in the morning when its still dark outside. To do what needs to be done even when you feel uninspired. Our society loves to glamourize finished products (click here for more on this). But what’s often not emphasized is how much effort and consistency is invested into a dream before it even begins to look tangible. And when the going gets tough, behavioral economist Prof Kirsten Rohde recommends you always ask how much your future self will like the decisions your current self is making. So, you’d like to start a new business? Make sure to test your consistency by completing one of your existing projects.

3. (UN)PLANNING: ITS OKAY TO EMBRACE UNPLANNED GOALS

Sounds like I’m contradicting myself, right? “Don’t take on more, if you aren’t hungry”…oh no wait “embrace unplanned goals”. Hold up a minute! What I’m saying is, it is possible to stumble on something you didn’t know you desired (or even existed) because you were so busy chasing what was familiar to you. And when you find that thing, it changes your sense of priorities. I had a whole set of goals written down at the start of the year, including to keep collaborating with other producers and artists. But I didn’t know how fulfilling the release of my first gospel single would be ("Settle Down My Soul" – available on all digital platforms) until the opportunity to pursue it came up. And beyond the excitement of releasing my first official single, for me it was the realization that I am capable of being an independent artist, and that having my own sound is important. I didn’t know I needed this until then. My primary goals were still as important, but embracing this unplanned goal taught me something valuable that will carry me into the future.

It is possible to stumble on something you didn’t know you desired (or even existed) because you were so busy chasing what was familiar to you

4. REST: ITS OKAY TO TAKE TIME OFF

You’d think this is an obvious one, but a recent study found that unless it was COVID related, a staggering 2 in 3 workers felt guilty for asking for sick leave when working remotely. It is no shock that now more than ever, we are prone to burnout due to stress and lack of rest. It is so bad that we’ve created an expectation of being productive even when we should be resting – just ask those who pack in their work laptops when going away on holiday.

Give yourself permission to take time off with only two items on your agenda: rest, and zero expectations to perform.

If that’s you, I’d like to set you free with this proposal: give yourself permission to take time off with only two items on your agenda – rest; and zero expectations to perform. I did exactly that for 2 weeks after completing a huge project a few months ago. Its safe to say I didn’t know freedom till then! In her TED Talk on the real reason we're tired, author Dr Sandra Dalton-Smith emphasizes that rest is the most under-used, chemical free, safe and effective alternative therapy available to us. And when we are well rested, we’re more effective and able to boost our productivity.

While its great to take on new projects that have prospects of invigorating you, it is important to be honest about your personal capacity. Be mindful that just because something looks good, does not mean you should pursue it. And while excitement is great, it is important to keep it under control by checking in with your goals to make sure your consistency isn’t being suffocated. And while you’re at it, move past the need for inspiration to drive your goals, by stepping into a space of willingness to see your goals to completion. Lastly, give yourself permission to rest with no obligation to produce. Most importantly, celebrate your milestones (no matter how small), and keep trying to be better than yesterday!

#LessonsLearned #newyearsresolutions #consistencyiskey #setpriorities #embraceunplannedgoals #restisbest #productivity #celebratemilestones #wiseaboutfeels