WHY YOUR PROCESS IS AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR FINAL PRODUCT

The world we live in is one obsessed with the presentation of a finished product. Listen, you only need to have applied for enough jobs to know the reality of “must have a degree and 10 years of experience” at age 21! I understand everything is going digital these days, so hey, maybe this supposed 10 years of experience can be found somewhere in the clouds too: just stretch out your hands and let it rain. And while you’re at it, whip out your CV and add ‘job hunting’ to your skills set too! Hehe, before you start thinking I’m attacking recruiters, let me get back to that idea of a ‘finished product’.

When I finally decided it was time to pursue my masters, I had 3 days to submit my application, including a research proposal. I had no idea where to start. You best believe the next 3 days would have me survive on 3 hours of sleep and looking like a hot mess! As for why I left it to the last minute, that’s a conversation for another day, darling!

If we could wear the attire that best symbolized the process we’ve been through towards success, I’d like to think even Instagram would go out of business in no time! Makeover pictures and videos are classic examples …we are all glued to our screens to see the ‘transformation’ that took up to 3 hours (or 3 years for some). But nothing changes the fact that the transformation took that much time to complete. And time is probably one of the most loyal elements of life: it is committed to always keep moving forward. It never moves backwards, or slows down, or even fasts-forward for the richest person on earth, eager to close a multi-billion-dollar deal. Sure, resources can accelerate the pace at which a process happens, but still, time has no elevator and stops for no one.

"Time is probably one of the most loyal elements of life: it is committed to always keep moving forward"

A finished product does not bear many hints of sweat, blood and tears, and there are enough sophisticated buildings and jewelry shops that exist to prove that. And if you can still catch a whiff of struggle on that finished product, “then it ain’t done yet” (or so, society believes). Progress towards a finished product requires hard work often taking place in private spaces that are not the most attractive, never mind promoted. Let that statement ring even louder for finished products of an emotional nature like self-acceptance, healthy attachments in relationships, and anger management, which take time and effort to materialize.

"Progress towards a finished product requires hard work often taking place in private spaces that are not the most attractive, never mind promoted"

A friend of mine cried bitterly after a terrible break-up from a 5- year relationship she had high hopes for. It was also after that break-up that she realized she had always been in a relationship since she was 12 years old, because she was afraid of her own company. By realizing this fact, she was able to think about and attend to the origin of her fears, and how that informed her desperate choice of partners who tended to be possessive, manipulative, and whose bad behaviors she often excused, for the sake of maintaining her relationships. This realization would become crucial for how she sees herself in context of the next relationship she would pursue. THIS. IS. PROGRESS. And just because it comes out of a hurtful and disappointed space, does not make it any less meaningful. “But its not like she got a promotion at work or anything like that?” (enter eye-roll emoji). True. But she has overcome something that held her back since she was 12. That is progress.

The world does not celebrate in public what you’ve overcome in private because progress is seen as a physically visible thing. And there are so many examples of this: the author of Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling was once a jobless and suicidal single mother. But all we see is her success in creating a popular story that has gone down in history. The talk show host, Oprah Winfrey was raped multiple times from the age of 9, and later became the first ever black woman billionaire. I would like to think that it took more than just daily recitals of her famous line “you get a car, everybody gets a car!!!”. Behind each of these success stories are people who sat down with their messy selves, intentionally choosing progress through process, over the simple idea of a finished product. Don’t undermine the value of progress and work done in private. After all, you and I are some of the 7.8 billion examples of beautiful things that were formed in private.

"Don’t wait for permission from the public to celebrate what you conquered in private"

Here’s my 'so-what': Respect your process. Ditch the comparison. Instead of simply envisioning a future version of yourself, take those baby steps (and don’t skip any). Discover the true reason behind the toxic relationships you may still be entertaining. Be more concerned about progress than your finished product, because without progress, there is no finished product. Some of the biggest battles are those fought and won in private, where no one sees, so progress will test your personal character and teach you some tough life lessons. Don’t be afraid when that happens. And with every milestone you overcome, don’t wait for permission from the public to celebrate what you conquered in private. And get rid of the idea that progress is only limited to what others will recognize or deem worthy of celebrating. So next time you think the progress you’re making isn’t worth anything, be wise about that feeling!

#Makingprogress #Becoming #OvercomingInPrivate #MoreThanTheFinishedProduct #SelfLove #CelebateYou #BetterVersionOfYou #WorkInProgress